Well Obviously....We have a rapist in Canyon Park

So, my best friend from high school and current roommate, Chase, has been dating this way cool chick named Amanda for almost six months. They're a fun couple to hang out with and funny enough, they're almost as desparate as I am to have me dating someone. I think it's because they want to have another couple to do stuff with like play Scrabble or Nerts I guess. Conveniently, Amanda has a vast network of hot friends and also loves playing matchmaker. Therefore the result is that she is constantly lining up dates for me. I have never been on so many blind dates before in my life but surprisingly, they've all been pretty good and lack the usual awkward aura that accompanies most blind dates. But even so, there just wasn't anyone that I fell head over gaga for until last night.

Kaylee. Kaylee was actually the first girl Amanda tried setting me up with months ago but wasn't able to because Kaylee had something else going on that night. Amanda started setting me up with other girls and Kaylee was put on the back burner and forgotten. Then a couple days ago, Chase walked into our bedroom and informed me that we were going on a double this Saturday and that Amanda had already called Kaylee to make sure she was free and that she was expecting a phone call from me to ask her out. When I asked him what he had planned he got this excited look on his face as he proceeded to explain his idea.
"What if we go to the library, each pick out our favorite children's book, and then read it to each other? Then, afterwards for dinner, we'll go out to eat at Applebee's and order off the children's menu!"

The idea terrified me. I knew full well that this date would destroy my Alpha-male appearance. When I told him there was no way on this sweet earth that I was going to do that, he just laughed and told me that girls loved cheesy stuff like this and that our dates were going to love it. I literally felt sick to my stomach. Maybe if I knew that my date looked like a troll and had the personality to match I would have considered doing it because hey, that way I wouldn't have anything to lose. But I had already Facebook stalked this girl and knew that she was drop dead gorgeous and I actually wanted to impress this girl with more than just my book reading skills. But no amount of frantic pleading could change Chase's mind. We even called Amanda to get her opinion cause I figured she would be able to see the craziness of the idea for a blind date. But to my shock and wonder, Amanda loved the idea and told me that I better be excited about this date or she would never line me up again. So with a heavy heart I called Kaylee, told her I'd pick her up at eight, and then hung up incredibly depressed when I could hear that her voice was just as hot as her Facebook pics.

But then through the grace and mercy of the date gods, on the day of the date, Chase and Amanda decided against the childish date and decided for a casual dinner at Jimmy John's ending with a leisurely stroll under the full moon in the park behind my parent's house.

Ok, a little background. My parent's house is only about a thirty minute drive away from my house so I'm always going home for free food and to play the Wii. The other cool thing about my house is that about a block away there's an old park called Canyon Park with tons of trees and boulders which is pretty cool during the day and downright creepy at night. Back in high school, Chase and I would take our current crushes to the park, tell them a few ghost stories about the kids that "died" there, and then have some other high school buddies make noises in the bushes and trees in order to scare the crap out of the girls. Chase and I would then step in to the hero role, take them by the hand and carefully and quickly navigate them out of the park and back to my house where we would then talk about our crazy night over a cup of hot chocolate. It worked like a charm everytime.

Funny thing about the whole "night walk" thing was that it was Amanda's idea to do it. Little did she know how well versed Chase and I were in this routine. So imagine my joy when I found out that instead of doing something so far out of my comfort zone that it threatened to make me puke, for something I was so well versed in. I could do it with my eyes closed. All I had to do was call my dad, let him know the plan, and then went and picked up my date. Fortunately, my dad is also no stranger to this routine and knew exactly what to do.

I picked Kaylee up and immediately had to suppress the instinct to just stare with my mouth open. Kaylee has sleek Auburn hair, a body that makes cheerleaders jealous, and perfect teeth for a dazzling smile for the cherry on top. Drop dead gorgeous and definitely out of my league. I did not want to blow this one.

So, after a mental double check that my muscles were flexed in all the right places and that I had stopped staring, I gave her a hello hug, got the car door for her and then quickly drove off so that I had something for my hands to do rather than just twiddle with each other. After 10 minutes of talking I was relieved to see that she had a personality to go with the body. From the get-go she was all smiles and giggles which put me at ease immediately. After saying a silent prayer of gratitude to the date gods, we met up with Chase and Amanda, grabbed dinner, then started the drive out to my parent's house.

When we got there, I quickly introduced Kaylee to my dad and then took the group into the front room to chat for a second to give my dad a chance to slip out of the house. After about 5 minutes, Chase said that we better get going and so out of the house we went. It was awesome. Chase and I both fell into the same old routine we both knew so well and pretty soon, we had these girls hugging close to us. We had a full moon so we didn't bother bringing flashlights. But although we felt that we could see pretty well, there were plenty of unidentified objects all around us. Once we were pretty deep into the park, I stopped and showed them the tree where the first kid hung himself. Even though I had made up these ghost stories, I still creep myself out every time I tell them. It works out though, because that way I don't have to pretend as hard to be scared. So when halfway through my sentence I heard something move in the bushes in front of us, I froze. I don't even think Kaylee and Amanda heard anything but when I stopped talking so quickly, they immediately started grabbing at us telling us we should leave. I smiled and apologized explaining that I was just nervous and that there really wasn't anything to be worri.....

*CRASH*

To me it just sounded like my dad had tripped in the bushes. To them, probably like an evil rapist had just tripped in the bushes. Kaylee screamed and put an iron death grip on my arm. I quickly reached out and grabbed her other hand and in a panicked but firm whisper, "We need to go.....NOW." The four of us started sprinting while my dad continued to make noises behind us. It was definitely a good thing that I was in front of Kaylee guiding her through the park so that she couldn't see that instead of the grim determined look I was supposed to have on, I had a big dorky grin of pleasure plastered across my face due to the fact that I knew she wouldn't be letting go of my hand anytime soon.We charged into the house and into the living room where both girls collapsed onto each other, hugging, and whimpering to make sure the other was ok. Chase and I made empty threats about how tempted we were to go back in there and beat the crap out of the scum bag, but the girls begged us not to leave them. So grudgingly(haha) we stayed. Right on cue my dad came out to see what the craziness was about and laughed at our wild imaginations. Man I love my dad. He is seriously one of my best wing men and never misses a beat. Once we were back on the road home, the joking and laughing returned and any unsettled feelings were put to rest. The door scene wasn't painful at all, we joked and laughed a little more about the night and then I gave her a hug goodbye. About a half-hour later, I received this greatly desired after-date-text.

KAYLEE: "Matt! Thanks so much for the date tonight, I seriously had a blast..even though we had that scare! Ha but thanks again!! Have a goodnight!"

ME: "Hahaha, yeah, sorry about that. But yeah, me too! Sleep well, don't let the canyon creepers get ya!"

In retrospect, I think my text could've come off a little creepy but too late now. I'll admit, I'm definitely trying my best to not get my hopes up about this girl, but.................ok, so I'm really not trying. My hopes are up and I'm smitten. Especially since she added me on Facebook 58 minutes ago. And for those of you who think I have no chance with Kaylee............ you are so dumb. You are really dumb, for real, You can run and tell that to your homeboy.

Doc (Matt)