Facebook Fail - Airplane Girl

El Conquistador

Back in December I went on a Facebook craze and started using it to message girls that I had no other way of contacting. My first attempt happened a little something like this...

I was in the SLC airport waiting to board a plane home for Christmas break when I noticed an extremely attractive girl in the same waiting area. This was immediately a difficult position to be in because I was with three other female friends and I hate flirting in front of girls I already know. I feel like it's insulting to them. Anyway, I didn't do anything in the waiting area except look at her for inordinate amounts of time and fantasize about our future together.

I knew I had seen her before at BYU, which meant she was at least Mormon enough to get an ecclesiastical endorsement. Green light.

She boarded the plane way ahead of me, so there was no chance I could sit next to her. But it did mean that I was able to see what seat she was in as I walked past her to the back of the plane.

For about an hour I faked being interested in the conversation I was having with my friends and tried to think of a way to talk to this girl. She was in the aisle seat, so I thought about just going up and starting a conversation while standing in the aisle, but flashes of Jack Bauer mercilessly tackling suspected airplane terrorists dissuaded me.

Finally, I decided a note was my best option. I wrote one on my napkin and addressed it to "Cute Girl, Seat 3A". As the flight attendants were making their last rounds to pick up trash, I flagged one over to me, held up the note, and said, "what are the chances you could get this to seat 3A?" She looked surprised at first, but as she read it, that "oooooooooh" smile came over her face and she agreed.

I watched her walk up to the front of the plane, look around for a while, then come back. She leaned down next to me and, with a slightly embarrassed expression, said, "are you... it's ok if you are, but... are you into older women?"

Whaaaaaat?

She said the "cute girl" in seat 3A looked about forty years old and had two children sitting next to her.

Thank goodness for the discretion of that flight attendant.

Turns out I was one off on my seat estimation. My target was actually in seat 4A. The flight attendant gave her the note, came back and reported that she indeed was a very cute girl and was a bit embarrassed by getting my epistle, and then we landed.

Again, because she was in the front of the plane and I in the back, she got off way ahead of me and I didn't see her at all. I had left my phone number on the note, though, and hoped she'd get in touch with me, even though we all know that never happens.

A few days later I still hadn't heard from her, so I gave it some thought and remembered where I'd seen her before - on Facebook! About a year earlier, my roommate came home and said he met the most gorgeous girl ever on campus and proceeded to look her up on the 'ol fb. She had a limited public profile, and the only picture we could see of her was one of those here's-a-picture-of-me-with-five-other-girls-so-you-can-never-tell-if-I'm-cute-or-not profile pics.

He was bent on Facebook stalking her, but didn't want to add her as a friend because he thought it would weird her out, so we added her from my account instead.

Once I remembered this, I texted him to ask what her name was. Lo and behold we were still friends on Facebook! This was going to be weird. Very weird, but at the same time, it gave me a leg up because it made it look like we had actually met somewhere before and may have even been real-life friends at some point.

So after much deliberation with the roommates, we decided I had absolutely nothing to lose by sending her a message. I now present to you the transcript of our communications:

Me:

NTL?

"You have nothing to lose" turns out to be a very convincing argument when it comes to sending Facebook messages to girls that you see in airports and send napkin epistles to.

I was looking for a friend named Ashli in my Facebook friend-looker-upper list and saw you in there and thought, "Whoa! That's the girl from the plane!" And then the debate began (and has grown quite large) of whether or not to send you a message. Team "Send It" won, of course.

Weird that we're Facebook friends, because I don't think we've ever met, but I guess it makes this whole thing at least slightly less creepy...?

I saw that you went to Millennium High! I played water polo at Stuyvesant and had the opportunity of getting smashed by your team at least once a year.

Ok, enough with the niceties. Here's the game-plan:
If you want to reply to me, that would be fantastic! I would greatly appreciate it and would love some kind of return on my investment, even if it's negative.
If not, this is the last time you'll hear from me because I'm already kind of feeling like a stalker.

It's been an absolute pleasure writing notes to you, Ms. Ashley.

Have a great day,
El Conquistador

Her:

haha Hey! yeah i lost that note. I looked for you on the plane but i couldnt see exactly which one was you! Also, you wrote the note out to the girl sitting in 5D which was the row in front of me who happened to be a 50 year old woman so the airplane attendant guessed you were referring to me haha. Unless you are into older women...I wish she would have given that note to the older woman though.

Yeah i went to Mil! our water polo team was pretty legit...sorry to hear that your team lost but Im sure you got over it haha.

That is pretty weird that we are friends on facebook. anyways yes lets get together sometime.

Me:

Hey! Ha ha ha! I love that story! I'll have to tell you my perspective of it sometime soon - it's funny. Not as funny as it would have been had the stewardess actually given the note to the 5d cougar, but at the same time I'm REALLY glad it didn't end up there.

Thanks for responding! Yeah, let's get together this week if you can. What's your number? (Mine is xxx.xxx.xxxx)

...Me:

Ashley! Hey! I know things are probably crazy busy for you with finals and all - they certainly are for me - but I was thinking we could do a study-break lunch date Tuesday or Wednesday.

If we can't make that work, then maybe we can get together in NY over the break. I'll be home and if I remember right, Millennium is only like 20 minutes from my house. Or, maybe I'll just see you on a plane again.

Let me know what works!

elC

And that's where it ended. I had so much hope for this one, especially after she responded to the first message. But, alas, our future together has been smashed.

And yeah, I lied about how I found her on Facebook. But can you blame me? Also, notice the tasteful use of smiley faces ;) So tasteful.