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| El Conquistador |
Or so I've been told.
Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about you... reading about me.
So the deal with this girl (who's name is Candice) is that she's hopelessly caught in my love-trance - though I don't encourage her, believe it or not - and she has been for a long time. She's also extremely resilient, and even though I haven't shown any reciprocation over three years of history, she continues to be super "friendly".
This is great for two reasons: A) I actually really like her as a friend and 2) She has cute roommates ;)
I had a huge crush on one of her roommates for like two years and was convinced we'd get married, but waited forever to make any moves due to annoying little deterrents like, oh, I don't know, her boyfriend, the fact that she was still in high school hundreds of miles away while I was in college, and... the girl code (to be read in a very loud, ominous voice).
I finally asked that girl out and it didn't go anywhere, but now I'm interested in another of Candice's roommates - Natalie. She is gorgeous and fun and intelligent and pure and just awesome.
I haven't told Candice this, of course, because I'm fairly certain she wouldn't handle it well. As in she would try to get in the way of anything happening. You see, she's a practitioner of... the girl code (again, to be read in a loud scary voice, preferably with dramatic music playing in the background this time).
As I understand it, this girl code dictates that if a girl is interested in a man, none of her friends are allowed to date him, flirt with him, text him, talk to him for longer than 8 seconds, mention his name in casual conversation, etc. Even if the guy isn't interested in her at all!
It's like when you were a little kid and you licked things so no one else would touch them.
Even though I wholeheartedly disagree with the girl code, I respectfully acknowledge its existence and power. So I've been trying to ease Candice into the idea of me asking out her roommate, Natalie. This I do by rather tactlessly making jokes about asking her out. Who knows if it's working, but it sure is fun. Here was my latest attempt during a text conversation I had with Candice:
Candice: Gonna see u today at the pancake breakfast?
Me: Huh?
Candice: O this pancake thing at Stable Apartments... but it's cool. Not too many people are here anyways
Candice: U can come and pick us up though later if you wana :)
Me: Oh really?! Thanks!!!
Candice: :) I mean if u wana hang out with us that is
Candice: Sooooo wanna come by and get us? :)
Candice: Or we can walk. That's fine.
(I'm pretty sure we talked on the phone somewhere between these texts.)
Candice: Hi did u pass your cleaning check?
Me: I don't know, they haven't checked yet. Are you watching the game today?
Candice: Iiiiiidk. Haha are u?
Me: Yeah, my apartment is. Well... I guess I'll see you later then! Probably when I come to pick up Natalie for our date.
Candice: Hahaha ur sooooo fuuuuuuunny
Me: :)
Candice: :p punk. She wouldn't date u anyways!
Me: We'll see about that
Candice: Ew u better not try.
Me: ;)
Candice: No don't do it
Me: ;)
Candice: Stop sending me smiley faces! :p jerk
Me: ;)
Candice: I don't like u right now
Me: ;)
Candice: Yuuuuup pretty sure ur on my blacklist
And that's the girl code. Stupid for so many reasons, but I don't think it's going away any time soon. So I'll keep chipping away at her until either I lose interest in Natalie or I have a green-light.
...Ok, green-light may be a bit too optimistic. More like... until the girlstapo (get it? like gestapo! ha ha ha) stops watching my every move with in-home surveillance cameras and let me wear shoes again.
Did that make any sense? I don't know. But what I do know is this: the girl code is a major contributing factor in 72% of all failed relationships. Did I make that up just now? Yes. Does that make it any less credible? Absolutely not. I'm a scientist.
Down with the girl code! Up with Free Market Dating!!!
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