Game On!

El Conquistador

So I was talking to a friend of mine about her dating issues. She's a super cool girl who's cute and intelligent and fun and everything a guy should want.

She's interested in a couple guys we both know, and has been trying for MONTHS to make something happen with them, i.e., get them to be interested in her, with no results. She makes sure to be where they are whenever possible, she invites them to activities, she has text conversations with these guys - all in all she's done an amazing job of positioning herself in their lives.

But here's her problem: lack of options. It's not that she's doing something wrong with these guys, they just happen to be the wrong guys!

Girls typically hate this philosophy, but it's sheer truth whether you like it or not, so you may as well accept it and dominate the game.

Dating is a numbers game. You meet a billion people, go on dates with far fewer, actually date even fewer, and eventually end up with just one person as your significant other.

If you only meet one person per year, it's going to take you FOREVER to find someone you're happy committing to.

Conversely, if you meet tons of people, you'll get the the end of the game much quicker.

THEREFORE - and listen closely, ladies - success in the dating game boils down to this: OPTIONS.

You need to generate AS MANY dating options as you possibly can at all times. The more options you have, the more likely one of them will like you who you like back, and then you can live happily ever after.

Some women feel strongly opposed to being "that girl" who's constantly flirting away with every boy she meets. But guess what. Guys LOVE that girl! Be her! We'll ask you out!

And when you're getting asked out all the time, things will work out more often.

So this needs to be your new approach to "the game" - get as many people to be interested in you as you possibly can. In fact, try to get EVERY guy/girl you meet to be interested in you. And - this is important - the game isn't about being interested in a large number of people, it's about having a large number of people who are interested in you.

I'm sure you've heard this saying before: "it's not about who you know, it's about who knows you." Same goes for dating. It's not about who you like, it's about who likes you. If every guy/girl you know is interested in you, then whoever you decide to be interested in is yours! Who doesn't want that?!

Now let me now enumerate some benefits of this approach:

1. Increased options equals quicker success (theoretically, of course).
2. Increased options lowers anxiety because if you blow it with one guy/girl, s/he's immediately forgotten and replaced by your other options. No big deal. No heartbreak.
3. Increased options gives you more confidence in general because you become that guy/girl who everyone likes!
4. Increased options makes your life easier because now you have opposite sexers coming to you all the time instead of you trying to make things happen with them.
5. Even if you're not interested in any of your options, you begin to break into their networks and meet their cute roommates, etc., which further increases your options.

I don't know how else to say it! This is how it's done! So, my dear friend, get your game on. Unleash the flirt. Accumulate options. :)

--elC

A Man's Man=A Girl's Man

Sweet, the Doc is checkin' in.

I grew up with the mind set that women wanted a man that was sensitive and kind. A man who wanted to listen to their heartache, a man who wanted to share their heartache, a man that even had the ability to feel heartache. So therefore, I did. I did with very minimal success with the female population.

What was I doing wrong? I was constantly watching chick flicks where the guys were always super sensitive, constantly doing acts of "cute" service to woo drop-dead gorgeous celebrity hotties. Whenever I put on a good listening ear or opened up about how I was feeling, I either came off gay, weird, or at best, a "close friend" that they could confide in about their real crushes.

After a while I started to notice a trend. Guys that are jerks get the perks. Guys that have gravel for emotions and don't even have the word "cute" in their vocabulary seem to be the ones that the girls flock to. I couldn't make heads or tails of this for the longest time until I had a great discussion on this behavioral conundrum with my roommates.

Girls want a man who acts like........wait for it..........a man.

Although embarrassingly obvious at first glance, it's not quite as simple as it appears (due to the complexities of woman speech where they say one thing and mean the opposite). They tell us that they do want us to be sensitive, understanding, etc. which we have already seen is not the case. This priceless gem of info was discovered while chatting with the roomies who, in turn, had a similar discussion with someone else, we'll call him Tony, who apparently is married to someone far above his status. Therefore, Tony is completely qualified on this subject. He explained that girls want an Alpha Male. A guy that will naturally take charge of the situation and lay down the law. A guy that will, instead of allowing her to cry about her problems, tell her to cut the crap and to quit being so dramatic. A guy that can protect her against weird dweebs that go to blogs for dating advice........................haha.......joking.

Basically, girls want guys to act like the male society expects them to be. Due to thousands of years of human habit, boys are expected to be the provider, the leader, and emotional rock. Therefore, when we men start displaying more "feminine-like" qualities, we're going against the manly-man ways, giving up our manly-man sex appeal.

And if you think about it, it makes sense. Let's reverse the situation. Guys like sports and eating, for example. A girl that could throw a spiral better than I can, and belches along with the boys while stuffing her face with gas station nachos and.........yeah, I'm just gonna stop there. It just wouldn't work. And those of you who are thinking that this kind of girl IS for you, need to stop reading this and go to this site here or here.

Now, I know what you're thinking ladies: "That's not true at all! I love when a guy can be sensitive." To that I say, I didn't ask you. Biased girl crap is probably one of the main reasons why we made this blog anonymous. Next I would say, I know you like when a guy shows his sensitive side. I get that. Women, on average, really do value sensitivity, kindness, and all that other crap and would LOVE for their man to naturally display these virtues. BUT, only after he has proven that he is a man's man. Hmm, let's bold and capitalize that to make it more manly. A Man's Man. Yeah, that's it.

Let's apply this into the dating scene now.

Tony explains that while on a date, one of the primary things that a man needs to establish is that he IS the man in this relationship. The theory is that, while on a date, you need to give the girl some type of command. Blatantly tell her to do something, and then just assume that's she going to do it.

Second, never apologize or say, "just kidding." These two words show how much of a softy you really are. If you make a funny disparaging comment, good job. Don't apologize. Keep on having a great time being the dominant male that you are. By doing these two things, you quickly put the girl in her place. And strangely enough, Girls LIKE being put in their place. They expect it; so guys, don't hesitate to do so.

Men, many of you are asking, "Doc, are you saying that I need to constantly be making fun of women until they develop an eating disorder while giving them commands left and right? I don't think I can do that. I have found that girls like when I cry on their shoulder, go shopping with them, and stay late into the night talking about their boy issues." To that I say, whoa, let's not jump to extremes. And wow, you need therapy. I know I did.

Obviously we need to still put on the charm while applying the above concepts.

Summary

To establish that you are a Man's Man you must:

• Give the girl a command or two and then assume she'll carry through.
• Don't use the words "just kidding" or "sorry" etc.
• Once your manliness is proven, things like sympathy, cute service, and other feminine crap will only add to your incredible charm

Pretty much that's the basic concept as far as I understand it. I think in my next blog post, I'll talk about how it's worked out for me so far. Remember, although I might sound like an expert, I am still fairly new to this technique and am still practicing to refine this skill. I'll keep you posted. I hope I don't crash and burn.

Doc

Revolutionary War

El Conquistador

I was sitting in American Heritage, just minding my own business, when all of a sudden this super cute girl sits to my left. Booyah. 

I tried to talk to her a few times during the lecture, but I could never really get the ball rolling. So after the lecture I asked her if she was planning on watching the required movie on campus after class. Obvious way to spend time with her, right? Wrong. She said she owned the movie and was going to watch it at home sometime... 

"This is where you invite me over to watch it with you," I thought. 

... 

Nada. 

So instead, I asked her if I could borrow it from her sometime. I'll admit, I should have just asked her if she was single and then asked her out, but that's not always as easy to do as I'd like. 

She gave me her number and we were on our separate ways. She seemed a bit shy, so when I texted her later that day I took a soft, flirty approach - and then she surprise attacked me. This is our text conversation: 
Me: 

Hey Jen, it's [El Conquistador]. We sat next to each other in American Heritage today. When are you planning on warching le movie? (That's French for "the movie" :) ) 
Her: 

probably later this week El dorko (That's Spanish for you're lame) lol 
Me: 

Ha ha ha! Wow! Already with the disparaging comments! That was quick. Usually I don't start insulting people until I've at least sat next to them twice 
Her: 

Well i'm not like most people so this is how it is 
Me: 

I can see that! Sassy isn't a quality most people have in such large quantities. 
Me: 

You're from Idaho, right? 
Her: 

Creep much?? 
Me: 

Area code. And makes sense. Home of the Sassquatch. :) 
Her: 

I'm afraid that was the dumbest comeback i've ever heard 
Me: 

Ha ha ha! wow, remind me not to talk to you again around this time next month. 
Her: 

Oh I see we have a wise guy here. he thinks he knows about the ladies 
Me: 

I'm afraid that was the dumbest comeback I've ever heard 
Me: 

Ok, I've had enough of this. Either one of us really likes super abrasive conversations, or we got off to a record-breakingly bad start. I'm assuming the later. Let's start over. Hi, I'm elC. You're obviously an intelligent young woman and I've actually enjoyed our conversation to this point, so I'd love to be friends. Nice ones though. Let me know how you feel about that. 



Talk about drama! After that I never heard from her again. And good thing. 

What an unpleasant woman.

Facebook Fail - Airplane Girl

El Conquistador

Back in December I went on a Facebook craze and started using it to message girls that I had no other way of contacting. My first attempt happened a little something like this...

I was in the SLC airport waiting to board a plane home for Christmas break when I noticed an extremely attractive girl in the same waiting area. This was immediately a difficult position to be in because I was with three other female friends and I hate flirting in front of girls I already know. I feel like it's insulting to them. Anyway, I didn't do anything in the waiting area except look at her for inordinate amounts of time and fantasize about our future together.

I knew I had seen her before at BYU, which meant she was at least Mormon enough to get an ecclesiastical endorsement. Green light.

She boarded the plane way ahead of me, so there was no chance I could sit next to her. But it did mean that I was able to see what seat she was in as I walked past her to the back of the plane.

For about an hour I faked being interested in the conversation I was having with my friends and tried to think of a way to talk to this girl. She was in the aisle seat, so I thought about just going up and starting a conversation while standing in the aisle, but flashes of Jack Bauer mercilessly tackling suspected airplane terrorists dissuaded me.

Finally, I decided a note was my best option. I wrote one on my napkin and addressed it to "Cute Girl, Seat 3A". As the flight attendants were making their last rounds to pick up trash, I flagged one over to me, held up the note, and said, "what are the chances you could get this to seat 3A?" She looked surprised at first, but as she read it, that "oooooooooh" smile came over her face and she agreed.

I watched her walk up to the front of the plane, look around for a while, then come back. She leaned down next to me and, with a slightly embarrassed expression, said, "are you... it's ok if you are, but... are you into older women?"

Whaaaaaat?

She said the "cute girl" in seat 3A looked about forty years old and had two children sitting next to her.

Thank goodness for the discretion of that flight attendant.

Turns out I was one off on my seat estimation. My target was actually in seat 4A. The flight attendant gave her the note, came back and reported that she indeed was a very cute girl and was a bit embarrassed by getting my epistle, and then we landed.

Again, because she was in the front of the plane and I in the back, she got off way ahead of me and I didn't see her at all. I had left my phone number on the note, though, and hoped she'd get in touch with me, even though we all know that never happens.

A few days later I still hadn't heard from her, so I gave it some thought and remembered where I'd seen her before - on Facebook! About a year earlier, my roommate came home and said he met the most gorgeous girl ever on campus and proceeded to look her up on the 'ol fb. She had a limited public profile, and the only picture we could see of her was one of those here's-a-picture-of-me-with-five-other-girls-so-you-can-never-tell-if-I'm-cute-or-not profile pics.

He was bent on Facebook stalking her, but didn't want to add her as a friend because he thought it would weird her out, so we added her from my account instead.

Once I remembered this, I texted him to ask what her name was. Lo and behold we were still friends on Facebook! This was going to be weird. Very weird, but at the same time, it gave me a leg up because it made it look like we had actually met somewhere before and may have even been real-life friends at some point.

So after much deliberation with the roommates, we decided I had absolutely nothing to lose by sending her a message. I now present to you the transcript of our communications:

Me:

NTL?

"You have nothing to lose" turns out to be a very convincing argument when it comes to sending Facebook messages to girls that you see in airports and send napkin epistles to.

I was looking for a friend named Ashli in my Facebook friend-looker-upper list and saw you in there and thought, "Whoa! That's the girl from the plane!" And then the debate began (and has grown quite large) of whether or not to send you a message. Team "Send It" won, of course.

Weird that we're Facebook friends, because I don't think we've ever met, but I guess it makes this whole thing at least slightly less creepy...?

I saw that you went to Millennium High! I played water polo at Stuyvesant and had the opportunity of getting smashed by your team at least once a year.

Ok, enough with the niceties. Here's the game-plan:
If you want to reply to me, that would be fantastic! I would greatly appreciate it and would love some kind of return on my investment, even if it's negative.
If not, this is the last time you'll hear from me because I'm already kind of feeling like a stalker.

It's been an absolute pleasure writing notes to you, Ms. Ashley.

Have a great day,
El Conquistador

Her:

haha Hey! yeah i lost that note. I looked for you on the plane but i couldnt see exactly which one was you! Also, you wrote the note out to the girl sitting in 5D which was the row in front of me who happened to be a 50 year old woman so the airplane attendant guessed you were referring to me haha. Unless you are into older women...I wish she would have given that note to the older woman though.

Yeah i went to Mil! our water polo team was pretty legit...sorry to hear that your team lost but Im sure you got over it haha.

That is pretty weird that we are friends on facebook. anyways yes lets get together sometime.

Me:

Hey! Ha ha ha! I love that story! I'll have to tell you my perspective of it sometime soon - it's funny. Not as funny as it would have been had the stewardess actually given the note to the 5d cougar, but at the same time I'm REALLY glad it didn't end up there.

Thanks for responding! Yeah, let's get together this week if you can. What's your number? (Mine is xxx.xxx.xxxx)

...Me:

Ashley! Hey! I know things are probably crazy busy for you with finals and all - they certainly are for me - but I was thinking we could do a study-break lunch date Tuesday or Wednesday.

If we can't make that work, then maybe we can get together in NY over the break. I'll be home and if I remember right, Millennium is only like 20 minutes from my house. Or, maybe I'll just see you on a plane again.

Let me know what works!

elC

And that's where it ended. I had so much hope for this one, especially after she responded to the first message. But, alas, our future together has been smashed.

And yeah, I lied about how I found her on Facebook. But can you blame me? Also, notice the tasteful use of smiley faces ;) So tasteful.

Facebook Fail - Not So Celestial

El Conquistador

Second Facebook attempt: also a failure. But this time for a different reason.

My roommates and I went to the Provo temple during finals week. As we were waiting in the chapel, we all saw a girl who looked very attractive, and who also looked very our age. Usually situations like this are a total waste of time because there's no way to talk to the girl.

But as we walked past her I kind of unintentionally looked at her name tag, which had her full name printed on it. The second saw it I knew what my strategy would be - Facebook message.

The whole session I was trying to figure out if she was attractive or not, and finally decided that she was the majority of the times I looked at her. So I went home, fired up the dream machine, and here's what happened:

Me:

The first will be the last...

Hi! My roommates and I just got back from the Provo temple, where I saw the cutest girl.

I saw your name tag as we walked past you at one point and thought I'd give this a shot.

While we were in the temple I was trying to think of a good way - or any way - to approach you, but nothing seemed all that appropriate... thank you, Facebook!

There's a nice little formula I used to make this decision that goes like this: Cute + Temple worker - Wedding ring = Wow. Ask her out.

So I'd love to take you out sometime! I know it's a crazy time of year with finals, etc., but maybe we can go to study-break lunch next week.

How does that sound?

El Conquistador
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

Her:

Hey El Conquistador!
Were you in that group of smiling young men in my session? I thought you were missionaries! haha!
Well I have a little formula of my own:
temple attender+not currently a missionary+clever facebook message=let's go.
It's going to be a crazy week, that's for sure, but we'll see what we can do.
Let me know what you have in mind.
-Brynn
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

At the time I received this message, she had also accepted my friend request, so I browsed through her photos with my roommates and immediately second-guessed my decision to ask her out. She was... cute..., but she also looked... old. Like five years older than me old. MAJOR regret followed, and my motivation to ask her out seriously dwindled.

Me:

Brynn! Hey, this week has turned out to be crazier than I expected - would you mind if we did something after break???

I know its in like a month, but I don't think I'll be able to make anything happen this week.

Sorry about that!
elC

Her:

I totally feel you on the that! I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon and I still have two finals. YIKES!

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year elC! See you on the other side!
-Brynn

(Two months later. Yikes.)

Her:

Hey Stranger

hey you really are a stranger . how've you been? How's your semester going?

Me:

Why hello! I though I'd never hear from you again after Christmas break. Glad to be wrong!

My semester is pure insanity. There's a lot going on, but I really enjoy it.

How's yours going???

Her:

I know! I saw something of yours on my mini feed and thought I'd see how you were.
Hey insanity's good if it's an enjoyable insanity right? better busy than bored. I am currently fighting the disease of senior -itis. 2 more months!


Then I never contacted her again. I do feel bad about that, since I said I'd take her out, and part of me wants to go on a date with her just to fulfill my obligation... but the rest of me hasn't let that happen. And thus was born Facebook Fail #2.

First Impression: Take One

This blog is a collection of our experiences and observations on dating. Most of the posts are things we've told people as they've asked our advice - or as we've forced it on them uninvited - regarding specific dating issues. We've heard many times that single people are not qualified to give dating advice, as it "hasn't worked" for them yet, i.e., they're not married. We respectfully disagree with this notion.

We have been dating for a long time, doing a lot of it, and paying very close attention to what works and what doesn't. We conduct informal surveys and social experiments to test theories quite often. While we haven't received Ph.D.'s in behavioral science, we are self-proclaimed scientists who consider our observations extremely well thought-through. Those are our credentials.

Plus, we're total lady-killers.

Let it begin.